RSS

Monthly Archives: January 2011

TROUBLED NIGHT

The other night I was awake in my bed around three o’clock. I had slept for about two hours but sleep had eluded. May be because I had argued with my wife earlier,but that was not what was troubling me, I’m used to fights at home, the marriage counselor told me it’s okay to cross paths every now and then.

I was reflecting on the life I have lived in this planet. It was almost my thirty-sixth year celebration. I was happy deep in my heart as I smiled on the many dangers that my days in life had passed. At Thirty six and with a wife and two school going kids, i felt i was truly blessed. Suddenly my heart was troubled, my soul wandered and my spirit was silent. It was like they were refusing to console my heart. I felt helpless as My mind also refused to voice solutions to cool down the fear in my heart.

The sadness I felt scared my being, I started getting angrily, I felt lonely and scared. There was no one I could turn to. My better half was peacefully enjoying the better half of the night. I started getting angry because she was sound asleep while my heart was bleeding inside. She is the only person I have ever turned to with any real issue about my personal life.

My spirit refused to pray, the only way I overcome fear, not one word come out of my mouth. I was silent, I could feel the stillness like everything had stopped moving. I was fully awake but it seemed like I was in a dream, I pulled the bedside drawer and picked a pen and my note-book, the two items i normally use to relieve pressure, I was going to write a work-plan. I could not go on waiting for things to happen and be caught an aware.

I had gone through a very tough financial difficulties when my younger son was joining school. I had somehow managed but i felt i should have planned for it earlier, I could have accomplished much in the thirty-six years that i have been in this planet, if only I wrote a work plan.

This was a different thought, all my life, I wake up every morning and do what I find to do. I have never had a plan. I believe that God knows what I need and he guides me in that direction. I felt like I was loosing faith in the teachings of the bible.

With the pen and an empty page I wrote this question, “What did I do to make you unsure?” the question was from me but I knew it was also addressed to me.

I wanted to argue within myself because I knew what this was all about, the confrontations had started, back when i was about seven but had disappeared for a while until i got baptized at the age of thirty. Since then it had been a war field in my brains between the me that feels and touch and the me that guides and instructs.

The worldly me had built a strong case, He had the school fees issue , the late rent payment and the fact that we needed almost everything new, from the sofa seat to door mat.It had been a while since we had saved anything in the family account. Our finances had been doing very badly to the point of hand to mouth. As much as I tried, I could not find a better reason to console my fears. I was silent.

There was nothing i could think of that would make me want to give up my faith in God, but the spirit did not respond. I left it an answered and in the open book, i wrote the second question, “What did I do to make you not trust me?”

Again I had no answer knowing how much, before this night, I had entirely depended on the instructions and guidance from the same spirit. I covered my head and stopped my ears but it was in vain, My career and my family are the fruits of the voice that speaks to my heart. The voice that has been my guide since i was a small boy.I turned on the right side of my bedroom and looked at my son, He was beautifully sleeping with a smile across his face, probably dreaming of a great day out with Daddy,not even with his sister seemed troubled. My wife was breathing smoothly beside me, confident that her husband was there next to her to protect her from any danger.

Again i could not find a better explanation. I wrote the third question.” When did you notice the difference?”

I was not about to raise my voice or shout with bitterness, the dialogue was personal. My body was not responding and it felt like it was not part of the confrontation. I did not have any answer to the questions. I folded my hands over my chest and raised my body to sit down. I was ready to speak my part and ask for the reason for all this.

Before I could say the things I felt deep inside the writing with my own hand posed another question. “Why do you act your part if you don’t honestly believe?”

I felt I should not go on inflicting pain on myself. I built the courage to ask. What is this all about and who wants to know the answer ?. I could not bear the emptiness in my mind. The questions were too much for me and not one of the things I knew before offered relieve.I cried in my heart because of emptiness I felt inside. I could overcome any kind of outside attack but this one was too painful, the two principles that describes who i am had found fault with each other. I could not take anymore.

I took a pen and wrote one more question, “Do you still not believe?” It was then that My senses came back . I remembered I had prayed just before going to bed, I had asked God to help me trust him more. Although i had not saved for my son’s fees and the house rent , i did not owe anybody .

I smiled and pulled the bed-cover, I was much better without a work plan. Tomorrow is the day to start saving, yesterday is gone.

Advertisements
 
7 Comments

Posted by on January 14, 2011 in Spiritual wisdom

 

Tags:

Judge not what you don’t understand

When NARC[Kenya} came to power after winning the 2002 general elections, One minister Hon. michuki took over the helm in the ministry of transport , he immediately issued an ultimatum to all Public Service Vehicles operators to comply to some measures that were put in place to bring change in the sector that had been the cause of many road accidents deaths.
Most of us {staff} were caught an aware by the new requirements, and Quite a number of us decided to seek other means of putting bread on the table, as we waited for things to cool down a little bit.
I was one of those who changed career’s, My search for a change,started in Rongai  and ended in kitengela township. I had been a Matatu driver for ten years and thanks to the Almighty God never been in an accident, I was and still i believe I’m one of the best their has been so far in Rongai. When the Government’s agents moved in, i left for Kitengera where I landed a job as a landscaper for a Japan based, Christian mission which has interests in the larger Maasai community.

I was a signed a five acre plot to take care of the plants and make whatever change i felt were necessary, it was more of a gardeners job, The wages were fine and always paid on time. Within the first months after starting my new vocation, i noticed that people were looking at me rather differently and also giving me a cold reception whenever i walked to a public place, especially eating places. I asked one of my workmates the reason for this and what i heard was impossible to believe, Word in the town was that, the institution was a temple of devil worshippers, from Korea.{perhaps you have heard the stories about devil worship}.-
There was a rumour that the main building has a stair case that goes down to an underground hall where they believed prayers were held. Every body had a different story others saying that the Worshipers were said to leave all their cloths at the door and  walk backward facing the door as they go deep in to the hall.
The church is built on a 1/4 acre plot adjacent to the main Nairobi-Namanga highway, its located next to a tourist hotel and is mostly mistaken to be part of the restaurant. It has a state of the art round house complete with a pool and a car park. a well maintained garden is what greats you even before you go past the gate. There is security {Factory guards}twenty four hours everyday. The gate is always closed but remains open all day Saturday,when its open for public.
In the three yrs that i worked in kitengera, i was fortunate enough to meet some of the seniors leaders of the church. The first man who gave me a hint as to what goes on behind the large green gates was the late pastor Muchanji {God rest his soul in the beautiful heaven that he always preached.}, he was killed by car jackers who were later arrested ferrying Bhang in his Car from western Kenya.
This man of God introduced me to the head pastor who was in charge of the Kenyan mission at that time,a one Rev. Shivata, he is now based in Tokyo Japan the h/q of the church.During my stay at the mission , i was graced with the honour of meeting the founder of the church the late Bishop. during his last visit to Kenya. The church has other missions in Europe, America and also in other parts of Africa.
I am one of the beneficially of the church, i was baptised in the pool outside the church,i took holy communion and sung hymns . i have worked in every room in that compound. I stayed for months in the missionary’s house. I know all the pastors and their families, i know their private lives both in the church and away from the pulpit.
I remember the one time, i confronted a senior pastor and asked him about the word that was going around in the town. He told me he was also aware about the rumour, but it had worked to the advantage of the mission. But- how??– because,,,, only genuine believers of Jesus Christ can get the courage to go beyond those gates, and thus leaving out all pretenders. No pretender would dare to be called a devil Worshipper for the simple act of going to church.
This church is based on the believe that, Jesus is the One and only spirit of God that was spoken of in Genesis 1. verse 2. as being present with God in the beginning.  he came to His Earth in the body like of  a man., Members of the church are taught to go through the baptism of water {Immersion} to receive the holy spirit just like Jesus did in river Jordan.
The church is open to people of all denominations. i have seen Muslim come to be baptised and return to worship in their Islamic mosques after receiving the holy spirit. I know many pastors and other spiritual leaders who have come to the church for the baptism. I myself was a street hustler[drugs,alcohol,that stuff] and after receiving the holy baptism i returned to the streets to plant the seeds of the holy spirit. I have taken , drug paddlers and prostitutes to the church for baptism.
A Pastor at the church one Mr.Takemoto, once said to me, “You know something James, no one can come between those two gates to enter this church not unless he/she has a direct approval from Jesus.”
well, I don’t know about you, but the words were true to me and probably the reason the church has not been discovered by many, bearing in mind that its neighboured on the north by Eastern Provence. an area know for its dependency on witchcraft
If you have heard the gossip about devil worshippers churches in your area, Do not add your voice to the hearsay going around, you might talk ill of the only way out of your miseries,and probably the kingdom of God.
Come worship with us any Saturday from 10.30 am. but you must first pass approval from our head, Jesus Christ. Don’t judge what you don’t understand.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on January 3, 2011 in Spiritual wisdom

 

Tags:

 
%d bloggers like this: